Gosh I don't want to go

I'm back at work a week on Monday and I SO don't want to go. I didn't want to go back after Lydia, I had to return for financial reasons when she was 6 1/2 months but I had so much holiday that I only worked 3 days a week until August, so she was 9 months when she went into nursery (as my SIL and James looked after her on the days I worked). A week on Monday I will be working full time and Isaac will be in nursery from day 1 :( I love their nursery and Lydia adores it, no doubt Isaac will too, but it's really hit home this week how much I am going to miss being around them.

Don't get me wrong, they drive me to distraction at least once everyday, but I really enjoy spending time with them, watching them laugh and interact etc. The thought of only seeing this on a Saturday and Sunday makes me feel sick to the stomach. I will be out of the house either before they are up or not long after (depending on where I am travelling that day) and I will be picking them up in time to get them home, bathed and put to bed. I could never be a FT SAHM but would like at least a couple of extra days at home with them - just got to find a way to make it possible. In the meantime I will be ploughing through the week, living to get to the weekend when I will need to try and fit in all the household jobs as well as quality time with my babies and the one day we have as a family - not exactly going to be a fun way of life :(

All of this just to pay the bills too, not even to give us money for holidays and nice things. Just doesn't seem right. Sorry this is very woe is me, but I'm truly miserable at the thought of it all, but am trying very hard to enjoy my last week with my babies.